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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27058432">i just want to love you (in my own language)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Starry_Night/pseuds/A_Starry_Night'>A_Starry_Night</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>My Love [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Broadchurch</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Curses, F/M, Magical Realism</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 21:01:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,980</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27058432</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Starry_Night/pseuds/A_Starry_Night</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Curses were a normality. What Ellie was not expecting was <em>this</em> kind of curse.</p>
<p>Or: Hardy is cursed to never be able to say the words 'I love you'.</p>
<p>They make it work anyway.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alec Hardy/Ellie Miller</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>My Love [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2070834</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>87</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Part I</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I am apparently on a magical realism kick right now, which I’ve found I really love writing. Hopefully you all like reading it. Title and some of the feel of the story is inspired by the song 3WW by alt-j, which I’ve only just recently discovered and can’t stop listening to.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Ellie Miller realized that she really truly <em>loved</em> Alec Hardy, she did so by plunging in with both feet.  It had been something she had been fighting with for months, maybe years by now, and perhaps she was a bit impatient to make up for lost time. In hindsight she realized that she could have scared him away by her actions, but she didn’t think so, because he really truly loved <em>her</em>.</p><p>Be that as it was, Ellie Miller jumped in with both feet by the very practical decision of in the middle of an argument grabbing him by his tie and really properly <em>snogging him</em>. It was a snap decision, actually, but it wasn’t one she regretted. It was slightly surprising to her, however, that instead of even pausing or trying to create some distance he snogged her right back and didn’t even seem fazed, the knob.</p><p>Really, it was all so very them that it couldn’t have ended up any other way.</p><p>~/~/~/~/~</p><p>It all started with a cup of tea but, being in Britain, that wasn’t so surprising. Cups of tea weren’t a rarity in Ellie’s world, but being handed them to her by her boss was, and it was the morning they were standing in Axehampton that it occurred to her that Hardy only ever brought her drinks. Or food. Or even her jacket when she’d forgotten it on a rainy day somehow. </p><p>Gripping the warm paper cup of tea now, Ellie suddenly remembered that very first mug of tea he’d made for her, during Danny Latimer’s murder investigation. Back in that moment he’d made it as a smart reply to her question (‘<em>are you only making one for yourself, then</em>?’), but that hadn’t been the only one that had shown up at her desk as time went on. She’d hated him most of the time during that investigation for his brusque ways, his impatience and rudeness, but somehow his support had become invaluable following the revelation of Joe’s actions.</p><p>This very simple action of tea-handing made her spend half a night thinking back on all of their interactions throughout the nearly four years she’d known Alec Hardy existed. When morning came she was no closer to an answer to her questions than she had been before, and she was grumpy and tired going into work that day.</p><p>What started that morning was a series of experiments.</p><p>She normally let Hardy do the tea-brewing—she liked how strong he made it, but she never admitted it out loud—but today she was on a mission. She waited impatiently for the water to heat up and then had to stand on tiptoe to reach into the far back of the cupboard for the tea bags before she finally poured it into two mugs. One she left on her own desk, and the other she held as she knocked lightly on Hardy’s office door. </p><p>“What, Miller?”</p><p>“Oh, very nice, sir,” Ellie retorted, already wondering why she was doing this. “Just wanted to ask how that burglary case was coming along.” She offered the mug to him silently while she spoke, being very careful to be as casual as always doing it.</p><p>“It’s solved.” He accepted it without a word of thanks, but now that she was looking for it she could see how his expression minutely softened when he did. “Stoddard found the culprit early this morning, kid tourist looking for a bit of fun while on vacation.”</p><p>Which meant that Hardy had likely been up for half the morning already. “Lovely,” she said sarcastically. “Never mind the fact that those were people’s livelihoods he was breaking in to.” She took a sip of her drink. “What made you come back here, Hardy?”</p><p>She was hoping to catch him off-guard by her question, but no luck this morning. He merely gave her an unimpressed look as he leaned back in his chair. “Thought I’d already answered that for you, Miller.”</p><p>“Yeah, but I’m still curious, and I don’t think that was the entire reason.” He wouldn’t lie about doing his best for Daisy, but his explanation had seemed lacking to her even then, and now she was watching for his tells.</p><p>And actually paying attention, she did see them; there was something that closed off in his gaze, one corner of his mouth tightened. Something pained and something he regretted, clearly, but the biggest give away was the fact that he looked away from her when he replied. “It’s the only reason you need to know.”</p><p>He was trying to tell her something. She just didn’t know <em>what</em>.</p><p>Well, she was a detective; she’d figure it out. She was already on a vague track of evidence, after all, even if she didn’t have the full picture yet, and she was aware of his eyes on her now. As more months passed and they closed the Winterman case, and many others after it, she continued to go over their previous interactions together. Mainly she tried to focus less on the moments he infuriated her, and more the times that he had been truly soft and gentle with her. Those moments when he’d made her food when they’d worked to solve Sandbrook together, or asked after her occasionally, when his gaze was soft and more open than she’d ever seen it before.</p><p>The moment when he’d told her he’d discovered Pippa’s body, and nearly drowned trying to reach her. There were very few people who knew about that, she was sure, and he’d let his barriers drop when he’d talked about it to her, she’d seen his tears.</p><p>Really, the list was so long and comprehensive she smacked herself with a folder when the picture finally coalesced: Hardy loved her. For all his supposed distance and his temper and his sniping with her, he wasn’t able to hide the affection he felt for her. It had simply been Ellie’s denial that prevented her from seeing. Joe’s awful betrayal had prevented her from opening herself up again to the idea of sharing herself so deeply with another human being, which made her feel guilty and also strangely excited at the realization that he really cared for her.</p><p>Which was what led to the snogging. Simple, really. All it took was about six months of ruminating over it.</p><p>When the kissing actually ended and she pulled back from him, she’d completely forgotten what it was they’d been arguing about. From the look on his face, he’d forgotten too. “Told you there was another reason you came back here, you arsehole.”</p><p>“Oi, <em>you’re</em> the one who let the subject drop.”</p><p>“You wouldn’t answer me!”</p><p>They were standing in the parking lot of the station, near their steps; realizing this at the same time they drew apart like they’d been shocked, but it was too late to mistake the fact that Katie Harford had seen them from the door. (She’d win the pool that night that predicted when the office’s DI and DS would end up snogging.) He was turning away from her then, but not before Ellie saw the look in his eyes. “I couldn’t.”</p><p>Stunned, maybe a little hurt, she followed him. “What? How hard is it to say you came back because of me?”</p><p>He turned back around—spun, really. “I <em>couldn’t</em>, Miller. I can’t.” It wasn’t anger there in his expression, or impatience. She was taken aback to realize it was desperation. </p><p>“But you’re not denying, though,” she said after a long moment. “That you love me.”</p><p>He didn’t speak—maybe that was part of the couldn’t. Instead, he shook his head in answer, and Ellie’s stomach abruptly flipped painfully. </p><p>“For how long?” She knew she sounded plaintive, even a little pleading, but she didn’t really care. Her mind was reeling with this latest revelation, and it was hard to keep her voice from rising in a shout of both elation and irritation. Years! <em>Years</em>, he’d hidden this from her! It was also turning out to be a very one-sided conversation, she realized with a sudden flare of hurt, and she was prepared to ask him why he was being a prat about this when she realized that he was wanting to say something, but couldn’t. Sense abruptly sprang from confusion. “Oh,” she whispered. “You mean you literally can’t.”</p><p>The relief in his posture and face to her words was all the answer she needed, which was good because it seemed like he was unable to even answer <em>that</em>. And then she was abruptly angry. All these years he’d loved her, had wanted to tell her so, but had had to find other ways to do so because of a stupid curse, unable to even know if Ellie would ever realize that was what he was doing.</p><p>It was frightening, that thought. It made her feel small. But it also made her resolve grow, and she walked closer to him again before reaching up on tiptoes. “I suppose I’ll have to say it for both of us, then,” she whispered gently, and kissed him again. </p><p>~/~/~/~/~</p><p>Curses were a tricky thing, and more common than one would probably think. They guarded vaults and banks, they were used as security in stores against robbers, and—on rarer occasions—were placed on individuals as retribution. Joe himself had had a curse placed on him when he’d been kicked out of Broadchurch and it would be nearly impossible for him to break it. </p><p>These individualistic curses being the rarer ones, however, made it incredibly hard for Ellie to discover anything about the type of curse that had been placed on Hardy. She knew only that it prevented him from ever saying the words ‘I love you’ to anyone, or even to show anyone anything other than the barest affection—except for when that someone acted upon it first.</p><p>Which explained whenever Ellie saw Hardy with his daughter, Daisy initiated the hugs first, and wasn’t <em>that</em> the worst thing about it? What sort of monster would prevent a father from showing affection to his own bloody daughter?</p><p>She’d thought during her times researching for any possible information about the origins of his curse that it had been laid down before his marriage. After all, Tess had strayed because he hadn’t shown her much attention, right? It would make sense that he hadn’t because of something like this curse.</p><p>She shouldn’t have been surprised when she’d discovered the truth. But she was. </p><p>She hadn’t seen Tess Henchard since the close of Sandbrook nearly three years before; she was still just as impervious and arrogant as ever, with her mouth set in what seemed to be an eternal smirk and her hair and clothes perfectly arranged. She’d come to pick up Daisy for a weekend visit unannounced, and Ellie had been over visiting at the same time, and so Tess’s shrewd gaze had fallen upon the two of them like a predator’s. Ellie’s spine tingled with a sudden sense of unease and suspicion, and her fingers gripped Hardy’s in a tighter grip where they rested on the kitchen table. </p><p>“Well, isn’t this a surprise, then,” Tess said lightly, with a layer of cold steel under the words. “I’m surprised you’ve managed to find anyone after everything that’s happened, Alec. Most would probably assume you’d be happy to live the rest of your life alone.”</p><p>Of everything snide that Ellie had ever heard Tess say, that was the most hurtful, and it finally allowed Ellie the chance she wanted to tear the woman a new one. Hardy was uncharacteristically quiet in the face of her words, perhaps even a little pale, and she stood from the table. “If you’re going to start in on the sniping,” she snapped, “you can wait outside for Daisy.”</p><p>Tess’s smirk only widened, grew colder. Her eyes were flat and sharp. “Oh, I’m not the one who’s been sniping with him, am I, Ellie? Did plenty of that yourself during Sandbrook, after all. That phase only lasts so long, you know—maybe only five years, and then he’ll forget about you.”</p><p>“That doesn’t really concern you, does it?” Ellie said sweetly, with a knife’s edge smile of her own. “What we are together is no business of your own.”</p><p>“No, I suppose not. I just wonder how easy a relationship it is when he can’t even say he loves you.”</p><p>“<em>Enough</em>, Tess.”</p><p>Hardy’s quiet voice broke the moment, soft and tired rather than angry or defensive. It was such a marked difference from his meetings with Tess during Sandbrook that Ellie wondered what had happened between the two of them before he’d come back to Broadchurch.</p><p>‘<em>Daisy was at war with her mum. Well, we both were</em>.’</p><p>She didn’t want to know the implications that statement had actually held but hearing him now Ellie could paint herself a pretty clear picture of it. Her blood felt like it was icing over. She wasn’t aware of what—if anything—Tess in reply and it was only after the front door had slammed shut that she realized that she had left that Ellie sprang up from the table.</p><p>“Miller—”</p><p>“I’ll be right back, Hardy.” She hurried to the door herself and hadn’t even let it close all the way before she calling out. “What the hell is wrong with you, eh, Tess?” At her shout Tess turned to look at her with raised eyebrows, poised and calm and impervious, and Ellie wanted to smash her cold veneer. “This has nothing to do with you, so why are you acting like you’ve got any say in what Hardy does or says at all?”</p><p>Tess crossed her arms, a corner of her mouth lifting in another smirk. “I think I’ve got a lot of say in what Alec does or says, Ellie, which you really know nothing about.”</p><p>“What, you mean the curse that keeps from saying he loves anyone?” Ellie snarled, and was finally gratified to see that crafted calm falter for a moment. “I know about it! <em>Detective</em>, remember?”</p><p>Tess stood in stunned silence for a moment; and then her expression turned ugly. “Didn’t seem too much a detective a couple of years ago, though did you, Ellie, missing all those clues? My god, you were so oblivious to the way he looked at you it was pitiful! He did everything he could to try and make you understand, watching you with those puppy-dog eyes and helping him close Sandbrook, and you completely ignored him! How you ever figured it out I’ll never know. He’s not even worth the attention you give him—you’ll get tired of him soon enough.”</p><p>Ellie gritted her teeth. “You seem very sure about that, don’t you?”</p><p>“I should,” Tess said with another vicious smile, wholly unrepentant and all the more terrifying because of it, “I’m the one who put that curse on him in the first place, after all.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Part II</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I know I had this labelled as a two-chapter story, but Daisy decided to have a lot more to do with this story than I'd originally intended, and now it'll be a three-parter. This specific chapter came from my realizing that I don't remember ever hearing Daisy telling her dad straight out that she loves him in the show.</p>
<p>Be prepared to hate Tess a <em>whole lot more</em>.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“That—absolute <em>bitch</em>! What in the world could you have done that deserved that—?”</p>
<p>“Miller—"</p>
<p>“—surprised I didn’t knock on her on her pompous arse—”</p>
<p>“<em>Miller</em>—”</p>
<p>“—don’t see how you can be so calm about all of this—”</p>
<p>“<em>Ellie</em>.”</p>
<p>Hardy’s quiet voice broke through her tirade with startling efficiency, but part of that came from his use of her first name—he still very rarely did so. When she turned around and she saw the look on his face she felt her own color with shame, and she dropped heavily onto the sofa beside him, feeling oddly shell-shocked. “I’m sorry, my god, I didn’t even think about how that sounded—”</p>
<p>“Which you know I don’t hate you for, otherwise I wouldn’t be here.” His voice was soft but matter-of-fact, plainly spoken like always and <em>god</em> sometimes she hated that but other times she loved him for it, but this morning she was having a hard time looking him in the eye. He noticed, of course. “Hey.” His hands grabbed hold of hers and tugged her closer; with only a slight hesitation she slid closer and settled herself in his lap so that he could wrap his arms around her, and simply allowed them both a long moment to settle and calm down. “If you think I’m calm about this, then you’re more preoccupied than usual, Miller.” Ellie huffed an exasperated breath, forcing aside her lingering anger to properly listen to him. She’d been doing the exact opposite of that for too long. His hand threaded through her wayward curls, twining a lock of it around his finger. “I appreciate you being so angry about what Tess has done, but I’ve had five years to live with it.”</p>
<p>“Five years…” Ellie paused as she did the math, counting back on his personal timeline. “She put it on you <em>after</em> she lost the pendant? Why?” Never mind the anger—now she was completely confused.</p>
<p>His expression tightened, betraying an old hurt. “I don’t know.”</p>
<p>She frowned. “You mean you don’t know <em>metaphorically</em>, or are you… maybe thinking something a little more, well—literally?”</p>
<p>The prideful smile that spread on his face following her question made her heart skip a beat. <em>How</em> did he manage to do that to her? “I sort of need your help.”</p>
<p>“You insufferable knob.” A fond smile of her own took the bite out of her words. “I’ll have you know that that specific request only works once.”</p>
<p>“Then I’m glad I said it for Sandbrook, since you were the one who solved it.”</p>
<p>“Now you’re just buttering me up.” He really wasn’t—Ellie knew that he would have given every bit of the credit to her for solving Sandbrook if he’d been able. She grabbed his hand and twined her fingers in his. “Tell me.”</p>
<p>“I think Tess had more to that curse than she’s saying. And I think it has to do with Daisy. I need you to help me figure out if I’m right.”</p>
<p>Ellie’s stomach dropped; bloody hell, she hadn’t even thought about Daisy being a part of this whole mess! “You’re not actually thinking she’s got something to do with it too--?”</p>
<p>“<em>God</em>, no! Jesus, Miller, what happened to you giving everyone the benefit of the doubt?” The genuine disgust in his reply made her feel another twinge of guilt, but she didn’t point out that maybe he had taught her too well in certain regards. “No, I meant… whenever Daisy is here, haven’t you noticed something odd?”</p>
<p>“No.” Ellie thought about it for a second and shook her head. “’Course, I’m not here enough to really say what you both get up to. I know what you want to say to her, but you can’t.”</p>
<p>The desperation deepened on his face, and Ellie was taken aback to see genuine fear in his eyes over the thought of his daughter. “That’s just it. I can’t say it—” Ellie opened her mouth to reassure him, but he cut across her, “—but <em>neither does she</em>.”</p>
<p>Ellie leaned backwards, away from him as she thought that one over, wracking her brains for those moments she remembered that would back him up; thinking about it now, it was with a sense of confusion that she realized that he could be right. Every time she’d been around the Hardys’ and Daisy was around, she never said anything of the sort to him. “What do you need me to do?”</p>
<p>Hardy’s expression softened in that rare way of his that made him look younger, and her breath caught in her throat at the sight; it was a glimpse that showed what he had been before stress and illness took their toll. <em>God, he’s beautiful</em>. “I want you to talk to Daisy. Find out why she doesn’t say it, or even if she doesn’t realize that she isn’t. If Tess’s curse included more than the obvious we need more to go on before we do what I’m planning.”</p>
<p>“<em>What</em> are you planning?” He usually had shit ones, after all. </p>
<p>“That’s where it gets a bit more complicated. If what I’m suspecting is true and Daisy’s under some sort of curse herself, I’ll need help with a spell that’ll rediscover untampered memories.”</p>
<p>It just kept on growing worse and worse; Ellie felt sick at the forming picture. “Do you really think Tess is capable of doing something like that?”</p>
<p>“No one ever thought Joe was that sort of man,” he said softly. ‘And look at how that turned out.”</p>
<p>“Oh, very nice,” Ellie bit out, stung and hurt. Disgusted, she began to stand. “If <em>that’s</em> all you want to say—” </p>
<p>“Bloody hell, woman, that’s not what I meant!” Scottish accent suddenly harsh and grating he reached out and grabbed hold of her again before she could go very far. He sighed, looking weary again, and Ellie felt a third twinge of guilt seeing it. “Look, you <em>know</em> I’m not—I don’t <em>do</em> people. The curse Tess put on me isn’t some personality changer, I’m still a rude arse with no social skills most of the time, and those last few years of our marriage… I’m not entirely sure I didn’t deserve it.”</p>
<p>“<em>Alec Hardy</em>!” He jumped slightly at her outcry, but Ellie barely noticed. She’d caught glimpses of his damaged psyche over the years, but this undoubtedly took top spot as the worst. <em>What</em> had been done to him through his life to make him feel like that? “You listen to me, Alec—don’t make a face, it’s <em>your name</em>, and you should be proud of it! Tess might be angry at you for the way your marriage went and be fully justified being so—” she sincerely doubted it, “and cheating on a spouse is nothing so surprising anymore… but nothing, and I mean <em>absolutely nothing</em> excuses the curse on you. Jesus, she could have made it so that you could never scratch one particular itch, or- I don’t know, not being able to find a comfortable bed again, but to deprive you of the opportunity of saying ‘I love you’ or showing affection to your own daughter is… there’s no excuse for that. <em>None</em>.” She cupped his face in her hands, the scratchiness of his beard tickling her palms, keeping steady eye contact so hopefully he’d believe her. From how vulnerable his expression suddenly was, she was succeeding. “So I’ll help you any way I can, and if that means I draw Daisy aside as soon as she comes back, I’ll do it.” </p>
<p>Something seemed to break then in him, a dam that had been shored for far too long. “Thank you,” he whispered, too overwhelmed to speak any louder, and Ellie drew him in for a kiss, long and sweet and gentle.</p>
<p>When she drew back, it was with a mischievous grin. “You’re a rude arse, yeah,” she said softly, “but guess what? I can match you if I want.”</p>
<p>He barked a startled laugh at that, and he didn’t dare disagree. He may have been the rude one in their relationship, but she was by far scarier.</p>
<p>~/~/~/~/~</p>
<p>When Daisy came back from Tess’s, it was with a sense of odd unease; she didn’t seem able to settle, and she shied away from Hardy any time they were together. It was distressing even to Ellie, who wouldn’t forget Tom’s estrangement from her during Joe’s trial, and hated seeing the dynamic between father and daughter strain even more. After a week of this, and seeing the desperation grow in Hardy’s body language, she finally did what she had said she would, and asked Daisy for an outing together. </p>
<p>“You’re more skittish than you were before, Daisy. Anything the matter?” She’d taken them down to the chippy on the pier, wanting to hear the rumble of the ocean as they talked. Ellie loved any chance she could get to eat fish and chips, but Daisy sat hunched over her meal and didn’t even try to eat. </p>
<p>“Nothing, really. Just tired.”</p>
<p>“Hmm.” Ellie munched on a chip for a moment before she continued on with her train of thought. “Staying up too late with homework?”</p>
<p>Daisy huffed and finally looked up at her with a glare. Her blue eyes were Tess’s, but the look she gave Ellie was all her father’s. “What is this, Mrs. Miller? You seem to have forgotten I was raised with two cops as parents.”</p>
<p>“And here I thought I was being sneaky.” Ellie smiled and shook her head, and then turned on the bench a little so she could look Daisy in the eye. “Truth is, your father’s worried about you. I’ve noticed it, and I’m sure you have too. He just wants to make sure you’re alright.”</p>
<p>“So why doesn’t <em>he</em> say anything?” Her expression had grown sullen as she finally picked up a chip to eat it.</p>
<p>“I think he tries to.” Ellie <em>knew</em> he tried to. “But in this case, I thought maybe an outside ear might help, you know?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, but you’re not so outside, are you? You and Dad, you’re… well, whatever you are now. Together, probably, but it’s not like he shows you any affection.”</p>
<p>Ellie frowned. “You’ve noticed that?” Maybe Hardy was wrong in this case. </p>
<p>Daisy nodded, refusing to look over at her. “Doesn’t it bother you? He’s so cold anymore, I don’t know what’s gotten into him. I tell him I love him every day, but he never says it back.”</p>
<p>No, she was going to have to take her last thought back. Ellie paused with another chip near her mouth. “Yeah?”</p>
<p>“Yes! I tell him so over and over again, I give him hugs, I try to help him, but he just brushes it off and ignores it!” Tears were welling in Daisy’s eyes, and Ellie felt a wave of cold horror rise up in her throat at the words the girl was saying. ‘<em>All along, you said don’t trust</em>.’ “Mum’s asked me to move back in with her. I came here with Dad to see if anything would change, if I could get him to open up again, but <em>nothing’s</em> changed. I’m not… I can’t deal with it anymore.”</p>
<p>If Ellie didn’t speak up now, Hardy was going to lose his daughter. Maybe for good. She had a moment to wonder just how deeply Tess’s claws had dug into this tiny family before she opened her mouth. “Daisy, I… you know I’m with your dad now. I wouldn’t be if he didn’t care about me, love me. Please believe me when I say your dad loves you a lot, too, more than he loves anyone else. He’s trying to show you that, but it’s hard for him right now.” More like impossible. “Can you do me a favor? For him?” She was heartened when Daisy slowly nodded. “Wait at least a month before you decide to move back in with your mum. Give your dad one more month, okay?”</p>
<p>She was aware she was pleading, or very near it, but it seemed to be what Daisy needed to hear. She met Ellie’s gaze, suspicious and searching, but then she nodded again. “One month,” she agreed. “And this time he’s not allowed to tear my ticket up.”</p>
<p>Ellie nodded herself, sealing the deal, trying to smile while trying to hide how sick she was feeling again. One way or another, she was starting to realize that Daisy was going to lose her mother.</p>
<p>~/~/~/~/~</p>
<p>She went knocking on Hardy’s door that night, late, and after Daisy had gone to bed. He joined her outside without needing to be asked and sat silently as Ellie explained everything that his daughter had said. He went very white when she revealed Daisy’s side of the things, and she finally saw him past the point of noisy fury; she decided his stony silence and dark eyes were more terrifying than his cursing or yelling. </p>
<p>“I’ve given us a month,” she said quietly, and he finally looked at her again. “A month to look into whatever spells you were interested in to try and get to the bottom of this. Daisy’s promised to not bring up going back to her mum’s or even try to go before then. So, we’d best start tonight.”</p>
<p>Some of the fury eased from his expression. “Miller, I could kiss you.”</p>
<p>Funny to think that during Sandbrook he’s said the same thing to her and still meant it. She was glad she could realize what it meant now. “You know, I’m wondering—how often did you bang your head on the table during Sandbrook after I missed such obvious clues like <em>that</em>?”</p>
<p>A wry grin pulled at his mouth, finally banishing the rest of his anger. “Too often,” he grumbled.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Part III</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I feel like this chapter is a bit disjointed. I don't know. But if some of the explanation is a bit muddled, or some of it just doesn't make sense, I apologize.</p>
<p>Also, I'm very sorry for the shitty rhyming you'll find in the first scene here. I am not in any way a poet. (I love reading poetry, but oh how I hate to write it myself.)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The dramatic story would have had them not find a solution or an answer until the very end of the month, when the clock was ticking down in minutes instead of hours. But they were a bit better than that, and they already had most of the pieces assembled to form the picture—in the end it only took them a week and a half to find the information they needed.</p>
<p>“Here,” Ellie said, pointing her pen towards the specific passage she’d been reading, “read this sentence. This is what you’re looking for, isn’t it?” Hardy brushed up against her back as he looked over her shoulder, a comforting weight. She glanced up at him for just a moment, in time to see the familiar glint in his eye, the look of the predator spotting the prey. </p>
<p>“Brilliant,” he murmured, transfixed by what he was reading. “Bloody <em>brilliant</em>, Miller!”</p>
<p>“Glad you approve,” she grumbled with a lack of bite. She was a detective, after all—finding these links was what she <em>did</em>. “It sounds right, though, doesn’t it? A spell that allows us to see the untampered memories is exactly what you’re looking for and this sounds close to that.”</p>
<p>“Except for this.” One long finger traced a sentence she hadn’t reached yet. “’Everything costs, casters beware; to look back to the truth is a price to bear. To look to the past is a dangerous deed; you must give of your future, readers take heed’.”</p>
<p>“Ominous,” Ellie remarked dryly.</p>
<p>“Stop it,” Hardy chided her, just as dryly. “I’m sure it was perfectly doom-laden in the Middle Ages.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I don’t suppose the writer took the 21st century into account when they wrote it.” They tried to keep straight faces for a second and then they both burst out laughing. Well, she did, anyway—he rarely did, and today he merely chuckled. Slightly disappointed, she made it a goal right then and there to find a way to really make him laugh. Settling down soon enough, though, they went back to the spell work and its history, reading farther down the page. </p>
<p>“It does sound right,” he muttered, half to himself, but Ellie responded anyway. </p>
<p>“It’s got to be foolproof—it says it should only be performed once, otherwise you’ll lose more than you’re willing to give up.” She frowned, thinking through it all. “This section mentions a woman who decided to give up five years of her life and ultimately repeated the process so much she literally <em>aged herself to death</em>.”</p>
<p>A beat. “Okay, maybe it’s a <em>bit</em> ominous.” He sat down on the chair beside her, running a hand through his hair as he thought. “But does the spell ask for five years of your life every time? Or can each person give of something different in their future?”</p>
<p>Ellie frowned up at him. “Incessant question thing again, Hardy. God, if you weren’t so bloody quiet ninety-five percent of the time, I’d think you liked the sound of your own voice.”</p>
<p>“<em>You</em> like the sound of my voice, though, don’t you, Miller?”</p>
<p>He was close enough to her she hit him with the book. “Don’t get saucy, we’ve got a case to solve!” Her face flamed, though, giving away just how much his question had affected her because <em>god yes</em> she did. This time he didn’t even bother to hide his smirk, the knob. </p>
<p>~/~/~/~/~</p>
<p>“Are you sure everything’s ready? If this doesn’t go well, or if something goes outright wrong—”</p>
<p>“Stop wittering on, Miller! We’ve checked and rechecked everything, if something goes wrong we’re clearly not good at our bloody jobs.”</p>
<p>“Or just not good spell casters,” Ellie grumbled, crossing her arms across her chest. She glared at him, trying to hide her worry because he was, ultimately, right. They had made sure everything was in the right order, they had practiced the words they needed, they knew what they were giving up to make the spell work. More than anything, though, she was scared for him; they were going to be looking at the absolute truth of Tess’s actions following her infidelity. </p>
<p>Which explained why he was lashing out; he had to be just as nervous, if not more so.</p>
<p>He looked down at her, standing with very rare straight posture; since he usually slouched, she forgot how tall he actually was. She clearly wasn’t hiding her worry enough—or maybe he simply knew how to read her—because his expression softened. “It’ll be alright, yeah? Being pessimistic is my job.”</p>
<p>“Broody,” she said with a small smirk, unable to resist the jab. </p>
<p>“Don’t suppose anyone will contest that.” Reassured that she really was calm now, he stepped away from her and farther into the room, careful to keep away from the rune they had marked on the floor. Ellie had held the book as he had drawn it, the better artist of the two of them, and the blinds were drawn so that the house sat in semi-darkness. “Ready?”</p>
<p>She drew in a breath before she nodded. “Ready.”</p>
<p>The spell itself was fairly simple, a fair amount of Latin which sounded a lot more impressive than what they were actually saying. Other spells and most curses were particularly tricky and complex, but the toughest hurdle they found they would face for this was what to give up. </p>
<p>Hardy had tried to talk her out of joining him on actually performing the spell, arguing that she had no obligation to sacrifice anything for him, but she’d simply called him a fuckwit and made it clear she would help him. A year of her life was a price, yes, but she wouldn’t allow him to face this on his own.</p>
<p>Besides, she was his DS; his backup. And no matter how cold and aloof he could be, she didn’t entertain the possibility he would remain detached when they finally discovered the truth. He would need another pair of eyes to catch what he would undoubtedly miss. </p>
<p>They spoke together, perfectly in tandem, and Ellie noticed the rune on the floor begin to shimmer like it was the surface of a lake. Her heart skipped a beat with both excitement and worry, but she was careful to keep her attention fixed only on the floor, focused only on making sure the spell worked. When it came to the sacrifice of time it was an odd tingling sensation which turned into a short sharp spike of pain that made her wince, and from the sharp intake of breath she heard from him, he had felt it too. </p>
<p>But it worked. The rune shimmered again, wavered, and then it melted into a mirror of sorts, reflecting not the ceiling of Ellie’s house but a cream-colored room that made Hardy’s breath catch in his throat. The click of his teeth as his mouth abruptly shut was startlingly loud, and he reached out to grasp Ellie’s hand in his own. “I remember this,” he whispered. “This was right after I took the blame for the pendant, and Daisy told me she never wanted to see me again. So what…?” He trailed off, and she glanced over at him for just a moment in time to see the wide-eyed look of trepidation on his face before the slamming of a door in the mirror caught her attention once more.</p>
<p>“<em>You’re not taking her. You can’t take her with you</em>!” Tess entered the memory like a whirlwind, her hair in disarray and her clothes mussed, wild glint in her eye as she entered the cream-colored room. </p>
<p>“<em>I can, Tess</em>.” Ellie jumped slightly hearing Hardy’s voice in the memory, weirdly unprepared to see him included in it. God, she had forgotten how badly he looked when he had first come to Broadchurch, and it was clear he was nearing that point; he was scruffy and pale and too thin. She squeezed the present Hardy’s fingers tightly as if to reassure them both. “<em>The courts said she can go with either of us, and she wants to go with me</em>.”</p>
<p>“You?” the Tess in the memory snarled. “<em>A pathetic waste of a man so weak a gust of wind would knock you down</em>?” Now Ellie felt her Hardy flinch, and she glanced over at him to see him staring down in shock at the truth of what happened. “<em>What could you offer Daisy besides your brokenness</em>?”</p>
<p>“<em>A loving home, maybe</em>?” he retorted. “<em>She won’t find that here with you, after all</em>.”</p>
<p>“<em>Daisy’s mine</em>,” Tess hissed. “<em>I won’t let you take her</em>!”</p>
<p>“<em>I don’t see how you can stop either of us, Tess</em>.”</p>
<p>“<em>Oh, I know exactly how to stop both of you</em>,” she whispered with an ugly smile. “<em>You know the only reason I went to Dave was because I was lonely. You used to tell me you loved me once, we’d fuck in the bedsheets all night sometimes, and then your bloody job became more important</em>!”</p>
<p>"<em>Don't pin that on me, Tess! You were just as involved in the job as I was! You chose to go to Dave instead of speaking to me</em>!"</p>
<p>"<em>i tried talking to you, Alec, and you never seemed to hear it! You left me alone with our daughter as you spent more and more time at the station, and now you go behind my back and tell Daisy about my losing the pendant</em>?"</p>
<p>"What?" His anger in the memory vanished in a moment, her question knocking him back on his heels-- which gave Tess the perfect opening. Ellie had seen the signs earlier on and clearly so did Hardy in the now-- his fingers grasped hers tightly enough it hurt as in the memory Tess rushed him, pushing him roughly against the side of the bed and pulling out a pair of handcuffs. The chain was wound through the headrest and the click of them closing around his wrists was startlingly loud, and Ellie felt her knees weaken at the sight. "<em>Tess</em>!"</p>
<p>"<em>I'll let you up</em>," Tess snarled in the memory, standing upright again, "<em>but only after you tell me why you told our daughter the truth</em>."</p>
<p>"<em>I didn't</em>!"</p>
<p>“<em>You must have told her</em>!”</p>
<p>“<em>Did it never occur to you, Tess</em>,” Hardy bit out, straining against the awkward angle of the handcuffs, “<em>that our daughter is bloody brilliant all on her own and that she could have figured it out herself? I’ve already taken the blame, why in the fucking hell would I tell her now</em>?”</p>
<p>“<em>To stab me in the back! To- to rub it in my face that you’ve won! You must have</em>!” It was ugly, and it was horrifying, and Ellie felt her stomach twist at the sight of this woman falling apart realizing she had only her actions to blame.</p>
<p>“<em>I think you’re the only one doing the back-stabbing in this family, Tess</em>,” he snarled, past the point of fury and actively trying to draw blood. “<em>Now let me go! Do you even realize what you’re doing anymore? This isn’t just some argument now, this is going to get you into trouble</em>!”</p>
<p>It was exactly the wrong thing to say, and Ellie knew it as soon as the words left his mouth; he’d just effectively worked Tess into a corner she wouldn’t escape from except by one way. By the way Tess’s expression suddenly calmed and chilled, she’d realized it as well. Or perhaps she’d merely waited for him to say it aloud, to let him know he’d doomed himself. “<em>I know it</em>,” she whispered, stepping closer to him. He tried to shift away from her, but it was impossible caught as he was, and it was clear that his arrythmia was kicking into high gear. “<em>But how are you going to tell anyone what I’ve done when you won’t remember it</em>?”</p>
<p>“<em>Tess</em>—”</p>
<p>“<em>Oh, and by the way</em>,” she whispered, smiling sweetly, “<em>I’ve already made sure our daughter has her facts straight again. She’s forgotten you aren’t the guilty one, and she’ll be staying with me</em>.”</p>
<p>The Hardy in the now moaned and his legs out went from under him; Ellie barely managed to catch him before he hit the floor, terrified that the pacemaker had fired. “Alec! Bloody hell, this was a bad idea—can you hear me, Hardy?”</p>
<p>The memory was done, the floor back to normal, but that didn’t matter at all now with the answer they’d gotten. They could fill in the blanks without any trouble, and Ellie’s own mind was reeling as she struggled to process what she’d just seen. But Hardy had effectively shut down, a thousand miles away, and he didn’t respond to her questions. After taking his pulse and checking that he really wasn’t having a heart attack, she felt reassured enough to settle him on the sofa, wrap a blanket around his shoulders, and go to the kitchen to make some strong tea while she waited for him to come back from wherever he’d gone. Her hands were shaking badly and she nearly spilled loose tea leaves all over the counter, thankful that Chloe Latimer had been more than willing to take Daisy out on a shopping trip for the day.</p>
<p>Forget Joe for a moment. When Ellie saw Tess next, she was going to break <em>her</em> ribs. And maybe hit her with her car, but she hadn’t planned that far yet. Her focus should be on Hardy, and she shook herself to do exactly that; once the tea was ready she carried both mugs back to the sofa, prepared to sit there with him all day if need be.</p>
<p>She was both relieved and surprised to see him aware again, but her heart twisted with sympathy seeing that he was openly crying. Not loudly, not even in a way that would draw attention to himself, but unmistakable nonetheless, and Ellie silently sat down beside him. He took the mug of tea readily enough which was heartening and she silently twined her fingers in his and kept a steady hold on him to keep him grounded.</p>
<p>He spoke first. “How am I going to tell Daisy?”</p>
<p>They already had their evidence; the how was not actually in question. Ellie knew what he meant anyway and had to be firm in this case when all she wanted to do was draw him into a hug and tell him everything was going to be alright. “You have to, Hardy. You can’t let this go anymore.”</p>
<p>“But Daisy—” He took a shuddering breath, running his hands through his hair before covering his mouth with them. His next words were muffled but still understandable. “She <em>adores</em> Tess. Always has. And this…”</p>
<p>“Has she actually, though,” Ellie asked him softly, almost coldly, “or is that another one of Tess’s memory rewrites?”</p>
<p>The question was like a slap to both of them, the sickening implications just becoming worse and worse, and it was too much for him—he abruptly whitened and  the mug of tea fell to the floor with a muted thunk as he ran for the bathroom. Ellie followed after him after a moment, wanting to give him a bit of privacy, but she still caught the tail end of his being sick in the toilet. She waited for a long moment before she spoke. “You know I very nearly backed out on telling Tom about Joe that day?”</p>
<p>“This still has <em>nothing</em> on what Joe did—”</p>
<p>“I’m not saying it is,” Ellie cut across him sharply, “but I’m not playing the Comparing game because her actions are bad enough all on their own. Tom adored Joe, too, loved his father to bits; they’d done everything together, and Joe could really <em>talk</em> to Tom, make him understand things when I couldn’t. I didn’t want to shatter my son’s adoration of Joe. I almost didn’t.” She took a deep breath, forcing away the still-vivid memories of that horrific day. “Then I reminded myself how cruel it would be if he found out about Joe from the bloody news.” She let him think about that for a long moment, too, before laying a hand on his shoulder and squeezing gently. “She still has to know, and it should happen before Tess is arrested.”</p>
<p>Curses were one thing. Invasive mind rape was quite another.</p>
<p>~/~/~/~/~</p>
<p>“Daisy! Daize, unlock the door!”</p>
<p>“No!”</p>
<p>“I’m not asking, Daisy Marie Hardy, now <em>unlock the door</em>!”</p>
<p>”<em>No</em>! And you’re just going to have to ground me for it later!” Daisy’s voice was clear through the door, angry and unforgiving, and she utterly ignored her father after saying that. Hardy clearly recognized that there wouldn’t be any convincing his daughter because he very uncharacteristically banged a fist against the doorjamb before turning and meeting Ellie’s gaze. </p>
<p>“Do what she wants, Hardy,” she said quietly. </p>
<p>Neither of them had been prepared for Daisy’s reaction to her mum’s actions. There had been no tears, no asking if they were wrong, not even a facial twitch. No, what there had been was a terrible <em>fury</em>. She’d made a run for the front door but Hardy had stopped her, and after a moment of wrestling against his hold Daisy had torn herself away from him and run up the stairs. </p>
<p>“But she’s- Daisy <em>can’t</em> be the one who—” </p>
<p>Ellie grabbed hold of his hand and led him down the stairs. “Really? She certainly didn’t get that driven desire to <em>protect</em> from her mother, after all. That wasn’t disbelieving anger, Hardy; she believed every word we told her, and she believed the memory she was shown just now.”</p>
<p>“Tess won’t see it like that! Daisy won’t be subtle with her mum now; she’ll place herself directly in the line of possibility of Tess erasing her memories again!”</p>
<p>He had been content with letting Daisy settle in her room, after all, but that had been before he’d realized she’d taken his phone from his pocket. (Hers was still in her bag by the front door.) And while Ellie did feel concerned for Daisy’s sake, knowing how badly Tess had reacted to Daisy’s finding out before, it was impossible for Hardy’s ex-wife to travel through phone. </p>
<p>“Sandbrook is a few hours away, Hardy,” she said. “This isn’t going to be like last time. Let Daisy have this phone-call with her mum, let her scream and rage and get it out of her system before we go to the station with this.” She settled them both on the couch again. “Don’t think you’re alone with this now. This isn’t Sandbrook.”</p>
<p>It certainly wasn’t. And it wasn’t Tess that Daisy had phoned while locked in her room. When Broadchurch’s and a couple people of Sandbrook’s PD came knocking at the door, both of them realized exactly what Daisy had done.</p>
<p>~/~/~/~/~</p>
<p>The stony anger on Daisy’s face was eerily reminiscent of not only Hardy’s, but also like the look Ellie had confronted Joe with while in the station. With crossed arms she glared at her mother. They had stood in silence for nearly a minute now, and Ellie didn’t know who was going to break it first. There was no hint of remorse in Tess’s expression, but she looked oddly small in the plain white of an arrested suspect, and she’d been able to catch Daisy’s eyes without trouble.</p>
<p>“Should have seen through it myself,” Daisy finally said, her voice clear and strong. “There were so many <em>inconsistencies</em> with your bullshit story.”</p>
<p>There really hadn’t been, but the accusation was enough to make Tess’s expression twitch. She still didn’t speak up, which left Daisy to do the talking. </p>
<p>“What was the point of letting me come with Dad back to Broadchurch? If you had us both under these curses for all this time, you must have known exactly how badly it was going to go when we lived together. Was it just to put that one final nail in the coffin of my relationship with Dad? Clearly you planned on it.”</p>
<p>Daisy was good. She would make a good detective herself one day, if this hadn’t entirely killed any interest she had in the career. Her well-aimed questions finally broke Tess’s steadfast silence. “I’d planned it that way, yes. I never wanted to hurt you, Daize.”</p>
<p>“But you did, Mum. All these years I’ve thought something was wrong with me because Dad wouldn’t tell me he loved me. I thought maybe I wasn’t enough, and what could I do to fix it? Then I started to hate <em>him</em>, to blame <em>him</em>, thinking that you were right all along—he didn’t ever love us.” Her voice shook. “But all this time it was you. <em>You</em> didn’t love us.”</p>
<p>“I wanted to protect you! Your <em>dad</em> had wanted to protect you, that’s why he took the blame to begin with, he’d understood a girl needs her mother!”</p>
<p>“You had <em>no right</em> to do that to us! To either of us! Christ, Mum, you actually tied Dad up to change his memories, to force him to forget everything so you could keep me like some sort of goddamn <em>trophy</em>—” Her voice broke now, and the fury was leading to tears. “That’s not love. That’s obsession. And possession. And whatever else stupid things someone deluded and <em>crazy</em> ends up being in this sort of circumstance.” She sniffed and wiped her face angrily with her sleeve. “And I hope you realize that someday, because it’s your own actions that’ve caused this.”</p>
<p>“Daisy—”</p>
<p>“No, you don’t get to talk anymore! All these years you’ve been doing that, poisoning me against my own dad just for your own ends, manipulating the truth to suit yourself.” Daisy took a deep breath; straightened, stood in silence for a long moment. Ellie was prepared to follow her out, thinking maybe Hardy’s daughter was ready to leave, trying desperately to keep from thinking about Joe. Then: “You’re disgusting, and I can’t believe you’re my mum.” Tess flinched back, but that wasn’t enough to see after all she’d done. “But there’s something you can do to help redeem yourself a little, and maybe I’ll keep in contact with you while you’re in jail.”</p>
<p>“What?” It was clear Tess was desperate to keep any hold on her daughter she could, having taken the bait so willingly. </p>
<p>“You take your curses off me and Dad. You let us both remember the truth of everything that’s happened, you let me tell him I love him, and you let him do the same. He hasn’t been able to say it for five years, and neither have I—I’d like to hear it spoken <em>truthfully</em> for once.”</p>
<p>Tess sat in silence for a long moment. “You’ll still keep in contact with me if I do it?”</p>
<p>“<em>If</em> you do it, and you do it honestly. No loopholes, no partial liftings of the curses. If I find out you haven’t done that, I’m never going to let you contact me again. <em>Ever</em>.” With that finally said, Daisy spun on her heel and looked at Ellie. “Let’s go. I can’t look at her anymore.” Ellie moved to open the door, knowing how close Daisy was to snapping, but a sudden thought made her pause and turn to Tess herself as Daisy stepped out into the hallway. </p>
<p>“The curse you used, Tess. Well, curses. None can be used without sacrificing something to them. What did you give up to make them work?”</p>
<p>“Oh, Ellie.” One side of Tess’s mouth lifted in another one of her infuriating smirks, but this time there was something regretful to it, almost sad. Ellie’s heart twisted hearing her next words. “Isn’t it obvious? I gave up my love for Alec.”</p>
<p>~/~/~/~/~</p>
<p>When they made it home after allowing for time and Tess to do what Daisy had asked, they found Hardy pacing anxiously, clearly waiting for them. If they needed proof that Tess had indeed lifted the curses the way he rushed to Daisy and drew her into an embrace and kissed her on the head was answer enough, but when he whispered something softly in her ear and Daisy started crying in relief, Ellie knew exactly what he’d said. Father and daughter stood together for a long moment, drawing desperately needed comfort from each others’ holds. This was merely a foot forward in the right direction. It was going to take a long time for both of them to sort out the mess of memories Tess had left them, but for now they were satisfied.</p>
<p>Ellie waited in the kitchen with another cup of tea to give them privacy, deep in her own thoughts, and therefore missed Daisy heading to her room and quiet footsteps entering the room. She jumped slightly when he grabbed her hand in his, tilted her head to face him with the other, and kissed her, long and gentle and sweet. </p>
<p>“I love you,” he whispered when he drew back, and Ellie abruptly started to giggle from relief and happiness. Grabbing his tie, she drew him down into another kiss, harder this time and a bit desperately. </p>
<p>“I love you, too,” she whispered back, drawing him closer. “And I hope you never thought I doubted it, because you found a way to say it every day even without the words.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Okay, chronological storyline the way I see it: Tess loses the pendant, Alec takes the blame, Daisy discovers the truth anyway and confronts her mother with it, Tess erases her memories, then Tess confronts Alec and changes his memories, and then the canon storyline begins with Broadchurch.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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